Mom is a good person. Every wrinkle and laugh line has been well-earned. However, several people have made comments to her like, "What happened to you? You look terrible!"
How should Mom respond to this? I suggested she say with smile, "I'm getting old, and I look it!" She feels that would be too harsh. Do you have a more subtle answer for these insensitive people? -- PROUDLY AGING, READING, MINN.Dear Woman whose mom's face looks like Yoda's ballbag:
Are you profoundly retarded? "I'm getting old, and I look it!"? That's the best you can do, Phineas J. Snappycomeback? If someone called a large relative of yours "Lard-ass" would you have him say "I'm getting fat, and I look it!"? Oh, you probably would, because you're a fucking simpleton.
For starters, do these people expect a farm gal in her sixties to look like Eva Mendes? These folks are addle-brained from getting up at 4am all their lives and subtlety is NOT the answer. There are a few options your mother the saddlebag can choose from:
Make 'em feel guilty: "What happened to me? A maniac attacked me with a box cutter. I'm lucky to be alive."
Pretend to be hard of hearing: "Excuse me? Did you just say you fucked a pizza?"
Rip out their heart: "Well at least I lived long enough to get wrinkles, unlike your sister."
Get angry: "If you ever say anything like that to me again I swear, as God is my witness, I'll kill you and every member of your family. I'll kill people who LOOK like you."
Your mother should fight back or take to wearing a burlap sack over her head. Either way.
8 comments:
Hahaha - wicked answers. I think you should inform the "real" advice columnists about this site so they can have a good laugh reading what they wish they could have said.
Why not just, "Fuck off!"
I find that response works in most situations.
Or how about, "I have a highly contagious and potentially fatal skin condition - haha! Now you've got it too!"
I would recommend that Ms. Saddlebags smashes the insulting party in the face with a tire iron. It has always worked for me.
All good comebacks, but you already know what I'm gonna suggest...
"What did you just say? Were you talking to me??? I'll stab your fucking EYE right out of your fucking HEAD!!!"
This new blog is the best ideer you've had in at least the past week.
this blog is the genius.
i love you todd, you bring joy to my workday.
You should name this the McCain Option-
"If you ever say anything like that to me again I swear, as God is my witness, I'll kill you and every member of your family. I'll kill people who LOOK like you."
Dear Woman whose mom's face looks like Yoda's ballbag... totally hilarious I had tears... I was LMAO...
made the work day so much better!!
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