Ab Asshole

DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old grandson, "Fletcher," an average boy with good looks, is becoming as exhibitionist. He flaunts his body on almost every occasion. When people are around, he goes into his room and emerges minutes later without his shirt, naked to the waist, with his pants dropping down almost showing places we do not wish to see. He struts around, going from room to room, all the while his pants slipping even lower. Fletcher then usually changes into shorts, which also slide down and reveal more than the public should be viewing.

Fletcher does this whether it's hot or cold, in the house or outside. His behavior is not normal. He seems to be doing this stripping thing more and more, regardless of where he is. At our house over the holidays, he found an excuse to remove his shirt to show his abs. He's constantly exercising and working out and is always ready to pull open his shirt to show the results.

I don't know where exhibitionism at this age leads, but I'm sure the road is not a healthy trail to travel. Does all of this seem normal to you, Abby, and could you comment on it? -- CONCERNED IN BUCKS COUNTY, PA.

Dear Bucks:

"Fletcher"? More like "Felcher".

Your grandson is what modern society would call a douchebag. I know in your day a douchebag was called a "hot water bottle", was kept under your bathroom sink, and was used to unfunktify your coot in lieu of bathing, but this is very different.

Your douchebag grandson is a preening ass. In your youth, your male friends would have called him "fop" or "popinjay". Also, since he's most likely a prolific steroid user, the effeminate vanity masks a raging anger that dwells inside him. One day he will push his common-law wife down a flight of stairs. Disown him immediately.